It’s About Vulnerability
There have been some great articles written and posted on the internet about the reasons that men don’t express emotion the same way that women do. The main point they all boil down to is that young boys are taught that they shouldn’t show emotion because it isn’t manly/masculine/appropriate/desirable/etc.
And while I do not dispute the fact that this happens and shapes the way that males express themselves, there is another reason that I don’t choose to (or have the guts to) share my emotional ups and downs with the internet or (in a lot of cases) the people that are closest to me in my life.
Vulnerability.
Yup, the fear of being vulnerable and open to judgement, criticism, pity, etc. very often stops me from telling people what I’m feeling or what’s going on in my life or how I’m dealing with the things that they know are going on in my life. It’s not for a lack of people who care about me. It’s not that I feel I don’t have trusted shoulders to cry on.
I know that I have friends and family that are here for me whenever I need them. I know that I’m never alone when I choose not to be.
But that still doesn’t mean that I have found a way to take the step of actually reaching out and taking advantage of the support system that is there for me.
I have in the past.
I might in the future.
But it’s not something that I’m good at or do on a regular basis.
And it’s not about trying to be masculine or tough. I would like to think that I’m evolved enough to know that I can cry when I need to. I know that tears don’t make me less of a man.
However, I do feel like they make me weak and naked in a non-gender specific way. Just in a human way.
When I was a teenager I made a promise to myself that if anyone I knew ever needed someone to be there for them to listen or help, I would be there in any way that I could. I have tried my best to do that over the last 15 years or so and I don’t regret a single minute of it.
But I think that in making that promise I convinced myself that if I was going to be there for other people, I wouldn’t be able to be one of those people. Ever.
It feels like a Batman Complex. Just without the cape, cowl, car, bad guys, fights, butler and secret identity.
And I have learned over these years that it isn’t such a good thing. There have been times when it has felt lonely and sad because I’ve kept things inside.
I don’t recommend it. I would advise against it. I would like to change it.
It isn’t easy.
If you’re like me and have great people in your life that are willing to help you whenever you need it, take them up on it once in a while.
I’m betting that it will help.
I’ll let you know.
creator of content, daddy blogger, writer, coffee drinker, fan of the Batman. proud mo bro. prouder dad.
