Dear Commenter…
Today is a landmark day for me as a blogger. I’ve received my very first derogatory/ inflammatory/ uncalled for/ slur comment on the blog. I have no idea what brought it on. I have no idea who the commenter is (other than having his Twitter handle, blog address and Facebook profile) and am still wondering what I should actually feel about it.
My gut feeling is to just let it go. That’s the kind of person that I generally am. I’m a turn the other cheek guy. I’m a big picture, is this going to affect me moving forward or not, kind of guy. And the answer to that question with regards to this comment is most definitely no. However, the Commenter pushed a button whether he meant to or not.
You see – there are a few things that people can say or do that make me upset right away. I can’t help myself, I don’t want to. I want them to know that it’s unacceptable and unnecessary and won’t be stood for. 1 of those things is using the word Fag as a slur.
I’m lucky enough to have friends in the gay community all over the place. I very much mean that when I say lucky. These friends are some of the most loyal, caring and awesome people I know. It has absolutely nothing to do with their sexual orientation. They are my friends. It doesn’t matter who they fuck. And it really, really bothers me when someone decides that they are going to try to take shots at another person and try to bring them down by calling them gay. That means that there’s something wrong with being gay.
Guess what – THERE ISN’T!
As a straight dude who has stopped giving a shit what people think about his sexual identity (for the most part) I don’t see the point in bashing anyone for who they are and who they love. Fuck that. Grow up.
I got pretty upset when I got the email to my blackberry this morning telling me that the comment was waiting for me. I thought a lot about deleting the comment right away. Or sending it to spam. Or sending a really nasty email to the Commenter. But then I thought about it some more.
I started wondering things like:
- Did the Commenter forget to put a question mark at the end of his comment?
- Do I have an admirer that I’m only just learning about?
- Is this American University (Washington DC) student/ Aspiring Rapper/ Smithfield, Rhode Island native sweet on me?
- OR Is he really just a giant douche who is trying to be tough on the internet because he found a post wherein I talked about personal feelings, making mistakes and moving on in my life?
Side note: The post is titled “May the Bridges I Burn Light The Way…” it’s a reference to a Beverly Hills 90210 quote by Dylan McKay (Luke Perry) and it does very well in search engines.
Side note II: That means that the Commenter found my blog (admittedly) by searching for 90210 quotes at 2:55am on a Thursday night.
To be honest with you I’m a little ashamed that the young Commenter has been able to get under my skin this much.
But deep down I know it’s because this isn’t the first time and it probably won’t be the last that some asshole says something that I’m worried will offend someone that I care about. However, it is the time that has made me stand up and fight back. And I’ll do it again if I have to.
I’m not asking for everyone to start a hate campaign against this kid. Although I did consider it for a little while this morning. I don’t want to fight fire with fire. I don’t need the burns that will come with it.
Maybe though, we can turn this street hardened Rhode Island boy into a kinder, gentler aspiring rapper.
If you would like to contact the Commenter and tell him that you love him, or God loves him, or that the gays love him, or that God loves the gays, or that everyone should just love everyone – you can leave a comment either on this piece or at “May the Bridges I Burn Light The Way…”.
I want to be clear here – I’m not happy with the Commenter – but I don’t hate him.
And Commenter, best of luck in your studies and rapping career. I hope that you find all the success that your attitude deserves.
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creator of content, daddy blogger, writer, coffee drinker, fan of the Batman. proud mo bro. prouder dad.
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Black Lives Matter. Learn. Donate.
Dear Commenter…
By Joshua Murray
Today is a landmark day for me as a blogger. I’ve received my very first derogatory/ inflammatory/ uncalled for/ slur comment on the blog. I have no idea what brought it on. I have no idea who the commenter is (other than having his Twitter handle, blog address and Facebook profile) and am still wondering what I should actually feel about it.
My gut feeling is to just let it go. That’s the kind of person that I generally am. I’m a turn the other cheek guy. I’m a big picture, is this going to affect me moving forward or not, kind of guy. And the answer to that question with regards to this comment is most definitely no. However, the Commenter pushed a button whether he meant to or not.
You see – there are a few things that people can say or do that make me upset right away. I can’t help myself, I don’t want to. I want them to know that it’s unacceptable and unnecessary and won’t be stood for. 1 of those things is using the word Fag as a slur.
I’m lucky enough to have friends in the gay community all over the place. I very much mean that when I say lucky. These friends are some of the most loyal, caring and awesome people I know. It has absolutely nothing to do with their sexual orientation. They are my friends. It doesn’t matter who they fuck. And it really, really bothers me when someone decides that they are going to try to take shots at another person and try to bring them down by calling them gay. That means that there’s something wrong with being gay.
Guess what – THERE ISN’T!
As a straight dude who has stopped giving a shit what people think about his sexual identity (for the most part) I don’t see the point in bashing anyone for who they are and who they love. Fuck that. Grow up.
I got pretty upset when I got the email to my blackberry this morning telling me that the comment was waiting for me. I thought a lot about deleting the comment right away. Or sending it to spam. Or sending a really nasty email to the Commenter. But then I thought about it some more.
I started wondering things like:
- Did the Commenter forget to put a question mark at the end of his comment?
- Do I have an admirer that I’m only just learning about?
- Is this American University (Washington DC) student/ Aspiring Rapper/ Smithfield, Rhode Island native sweet on me?
- OR Is he really just a giant douche who is trying to be tough on the internet because he found a post wherein I talked about personal feelings, making mistakes and moving on in my life?
Side note: The post is titled “May the Bridges I Burn Light The Way…” it’s a reference to a Beverly Hills 90210 quote by Dylan McKay (Luke Perry) and it does very well in search engines.
Side note II: That means that the Commenter found my blog (admittedly) by searching for 90210 quotes at 2:55am on a Thursday night.
To be honest with you I’m a little ashamed that the young Commenter has been able to get under my skin this much.
But deep down I know it’s because this isn’t the first time and it probably won’t be the last that some asshole says something that I’m worried will offend someone that I care about. However, it is the time that has made me stand up and fight back. And I’ll do it again if I have to.
I’m not asking for everyone to start a hate campaign against this kid. Although I did consider it for a little while this morning. I don’t want to fight fire with fire. I don’t need the burns that will come with it.
Maybe though, we can turn this street hardened Rhode Island boy into a kinder, gentler aspiring rapper.
If you would like to contact the Commenter and tell him that you love him, or God loves him, or that the gays love him, or that God loves the gays, or that everyone should just love everyone – you can leave a comment either on this piece or at “May the Bridges I Burn Light The Way…”.
I want to be clear here – I’m not happy with the Commenter – but I don’t hate him.
And Commenter, best of luck in your studies and rapping career. I hope that you find all the success that your attitude deserves.
Author profile
creator of content, daddy blogger, writer, coffee drinker, fan of the Batman. proud mo bro. prouder dad.
So very well said babe! I couldn’t agree with you more.
Kudos to you for taking the highest road here in responding to Matt Finn by disagreeing with his unacceptable behaviour, but for not stooping to his level.
Much <3
Great response! You are definitely the more mature individual and taking the right course of action. I doubt his comment was even a comment on you – just an ignorant statement from an ignorant man. I have to admit I did think you were gay – but that is probably just me being ignorant.
oh he’s happy to be throwing the comment directly at me – check the 2nd comment he left at the blog – “May The Bridges I Burn Light The Way… comments“
My bad.
about joshua….. DINOSAURSSSSS
They are awesome.
Very well said hun and kudos to you for taking a stand. We are all entitled to be who we want to be and express ourselves how we choose and we should nto fear being persecuted for it.
Luv ya!
xoxo
thank you very much Dom 🙂
Dear everyone, this is a comment that came through at 3:49pm from Commenter on “May The Bridges I Burn Light The Way…”
You’ve humbled me. I apologize.
I love internet trolls. They make up at least 56% of my target audience But my motto is: If you are not going to back up your claim with a blog of your own, your case will be thrown out.
I don’t know you, or this site, at all. I also got here through a search engine, but it wasn’t exactly Dylan’s quote, it was “May the bridges you burn light your way” which I read in a comment somewhere else and liked so I searched to see if it was from something or if this person had actually thought of it himself, and it’s a lyric from the song “Lost Hope” by Hoods and if you listen to it on their My Space page, you’ll see how completely different it is from doing a 90210 search. Troll could’ve easily gotten here the same way I did.
Long-winded way of saying three things:
I’m glad the search led me to your post on the 90210 version of the phrase (which Hoods flipped around), and was struck by your thoughtful take on what the words could actually mean if taken to heart and acted upon.
I enjoyed wondering if Hoods got their lyric from 90210
I never would’ve left this comment if I hadn’t seen this overreaction to the troll comment. What do you hope to accomplish by posting all of his information? I’ve seen people do that during huge flame wars about various -isms and get taken to task for it, but I’ve never seen it done in reaction to one sad comment from a college kid. Your valid point about the slur (which is the point of this post, right? not that I should harrass your troll?) could’ve been made without me knowing where he grew up and how to contact him in nearly every possible way (and the ones you’ve left out I can find with what you’ve given me). I suppose your point could be that no one is really anonymous when leaving a d-bag comment, but again, you could’ve made that point without sharing his info.
Cindy, you make great points.
First I would like to thank you for your kind words about the “May The Bridges That Burn…” post. It is one of the hardest things I’ve ever written about my life.
Secondly, Commenter explained how he found the blog in his 2nd comment he left. It was a direct search for the 90210 quote.
Third, I do agree that there may have been some overreaction. I admit that I let Commenter get to me more than I should have. I do not regret writing this post however. Not for a second. And if you see what my “call to action” entaled you will notice that it was a kindness and tolerance campaign if anything. I made the choice not to share any of Commenter’s private information such as email or IP address because they remain private. I respect that.
Lastly, Commenter has apologized and I accept his apology. I sincerely hope that he understands why his comment was unacceptable and that he refrains from using such slurs in the future.
I wish Commenter all the success life has to offer. Just as I do you and everyone else. As I said, I don’t hate Mr. Finn, I just wasn’t happy with his words.
I hope this response finds you well and that you have a fantastic day.
Thank you,
-Joshua
Thank you so much for this. In light of recent events, I think its more important than ever to remind people that we are all human and we all want to same respect and love from each other. Its seemingly innocent slurs like this that ultimately blow up into wars against each other. Thank you for calling for some social responsibility and respect among our community.
Amanda, thank you for your comment. I appreciate it very much and agree that now, more than ever, we need to show love and respect to everyone.
With that said, I will admit that this post took on much more of an attack persona than I wish it had now that I look back. If I were to do it over again I would have done things differently.
However, I still believe in my point – There is nothing wrong with being gay or loving the gay people in your life. Be proud and true to yourself. There will always be love and support here for everyone!
I realize it has been some time since this was all happening but I love this post so much and am happy I stumbled upon it. I must also admit that I love the post (“weak for a man to write” or whatever *eyeroll*) that this came from as well. Like you said, admitting to our own mistakes is never easy, and to read your thoughts and feelings about some of the things in your past is an encouraging and humbling step. I enjoyed reading the realization to becoming a better person and I commend you for that 🙂
Thank you very much ECHO. Sometimes I wonder if I should have let myself cool down before I started writing – but I am glad that I didn’t just let things go.
I appreciate your words, keep smiling, be awesome!