For some people, one of the worst things about Christmas is Christmas music. Think about the poor retail workers. We’re not talking Christmas carols (we’re not endorsing Christmas carols either, mind you), we’re talking Mariah Carey, Michael Bublé and The Chipmunks. We’re talking Wham, Band Aid, Bing Crosby, and even Nat King Cole. Every shopping mall, every restaurant, every bar, it’s all the same boring Christmas songs, and they’re on loop 24/7. It’s enough to make a rational person quite irrational. If you find yourself feeling the urge to fling your Christmas tree out the window or smash a mince pie into the face of a jolly-looking stranger, you’re not alone. But we’re here to help you get back into the holiday spirit. We bring you the alternative Christmas playlist, and there isn’t the faintest whiff of a Bublé.

Chilling at Home

If you’re chilling at home playing online casino Canada real money games that you found at https://casinopilot.ca/real-money then we’ve got the perfect background tunes to get you feeling xmassy without also feeling sick. Kick off your gameplay playlist with Big Cynthia: I Got your Cookies and Milk. It’s raunchy, fun, and high energy -you’ll feel like you’re winning while you’re spinning. Balance out the cheer by following Big Cynthia with The Attery Squash: Santa’s Laughter Mocks the Poor, and then round it off with a drunken-sounding Bob Dylan singing Must Be Santa.

Evening with Friends

If you’ve got friends coming over for drinks, you can easily bring them round to your own special brand of Christmas vibes with our next selection of tracks. Start them off easy with Tom Waits: Christmas Card from a Hooker in Minneapolis. No one complains when Tom Waits husky musings hit their ear waves, and by the time they realise how depressing this song is, it will be too late to turn back. You can then turn on the charm with a little Half Man, Half Biscuit: It’s Cliched to be Cynical at Christmas. And then get the party truly started with Telekinesis: Christmas Time is Here (uh oh). It will be a rollercoaster ride of musical madness, but it will definitely break the ice.

Alone By the Fire

When it’s time to sit back on your comfy armchair in front of a roaring fire after a long day of shopping for gifts, you’re going to need a few tracks that will help wash away that dirty ‘All I Want For Christmas’ smear from your brain. Start your cleanse with Lindisfarne: Winter Song – it’s a bit bleak and depressing; you’ll love it. Christmas wouldn’t be Christmas without a bit of slurry Shane MacGowan, but skip Fairy Tale of New York and go straight to Christmas Lullaby. If you don’t want to end the evening in a pool of abject misery, follow MacGowan with some funk. We recommend James Brown: Santa Clause Go Straight to the Ghetto.

Cooking Xmas Dinner

Songs to play while making Christmas dinner? We’ve got a few gems. The Fall: Hark the Herald Angels Sing – a classic tune with a snarly twist. Follow it with Paul Kelly: How to Make Gravy (because it will, in fact, teach you how to make gravy). Next: Kate Bush at her Christmassy best with December will be Magic Again, followed by Lead Belly: On a Christmas Day. Add a touch of humour into the mix with Tim Minchin: White Wine in the Sun. And to make sure that you haven’t gone overboard with the Christmassness of it all, be sure to end your playlist on a metal note with Type O Negative: Red Water (Christmas Mourning). Happy listening fellow music scrouges. We hear you, we feel you, we hope we got the Christmas well and truly washed out of you.